The Three Steps of Expansion
This is an excerpt from the book “The Happiness Trap — Stop Struggling, Start Living” by Dr. Russ Harris.
I just wanted to remember this technique hence putting it here so I can access it anytime.
Hope it helps you too!
The three basic steps of expansion are: observe your feelings, breathe into them, and allow them to come and go. Sounds simple doesn’t it? That’s because it is. It’s also effortless.
However, that does not mean it’s easy! Remember the quicksand scenario? Lying back and floating on quicksand is simple and effortless, yet it’s far from easy.
Why? Because every instinct in your body tells you to struggle. But don’t worry. If you fell into quicksand several times a week, you’d soon be a pro at lying back and floating. And the same is true for expansion: the more you practice, the easier it gets. So let’s take a look at these steps in a bit more detail, and then it’s practice time.
Whenever you’re struggling with an unpleasant emotion of any sort, follow these three steps:
STEP 1: OBSERVE
‘Observe’ means bring your awareness to the sensations in your body. Take a few seconds to scan yourself from head to toe. Notice what you’re feeling, and where. As you do this, you will probably notice several uncomfortable sensations.
Look for the one that bothers you the most. For example, it may be a lump in your throat, a knot in your stomach, tightness in your chest, or a teary feeling in your eyes. (If your entire body feels, uncomfortable, then just pick the area that bothers you the most.)
Focus your attention on that sensation. Observe it with curiosity, like a scientist who has discovered some interesting new phenomenon. Observe it carefully. Notice where it starts and where it ends. If you had to draw a line around this sensation, what would it look like?
Is it on the surface of the body or inside you or both? How far inside you does it go? Where is it the most intense? Where is it the weakest? How is it different in the center from around the edges?
Is there any pulsing or vibration within it? Is it light or heavy? Still or in motion? Warm or cool?
STEP 2: BREATHE
‘Breathe’ means you breathe into and around the sensation as if making extra space for it. Begin with a few deep breaths — the slower the better — and make sure you fully empty your lungs before breathing in.
Slow, deep breathing is important because it lowers the level of tension in your body. It won’t get rid of your feelings, but it will provide a center of calm within you. It’s like an anchor in the midst of an emotional storm; the anchor won’t get rid of the storm, but it will hold you steady until it passes.
So breathe slowly and deeply, and imagine that you are breathing directly into the sensation. Feel your breath flowing into and around it, as if you are somehow creating extra space within your body. Loosen up around this sensation. Give it some ‘room to move’.
STEP 3: ALLOW
‘Allow’ means you allow the sensation to be there, even though you don’t like it or want it. In other words, you ‘let it be’. When your mind starts commenting on what’s happening, just say, ‘Thanks, Mind!’ and come back to observing. Of course, you may find this difficult.
You may feel a strong urge to fight with it or push it away. If so, just acknowledge this urge without giving in to it. (Acknowledging is like nodding your head in recognition as if to say, ‘There you are; I see you.’) Once you’ve acknowledged that urge, bring your attention back to the sensation itself.
Don’t try to get rid of the sensation or alter it. If it changes by itself, that’s okay. If it doesn’t change, that’s okay too. Changing or getting rid of it is not the goal. The goal is to make peace with it; to let it to be there, even if you don’t like it or want it.
You may need to focus on this sensation for anywhere from a few seconds to a few minutes until you completely give up the struggle with it. Be patient; take as long as you need. You’re learning a valuable skill.
Once you’ve done this, scan your body again and see if there’s another sensation that’s bothering you. If so, repeat the procedure with this one, too. You can do this with as many different sensations as necessary. Keep going until you have a sense of no longer struggling with your feelings.
As you practice this technique one of two things will happen: either your feelings will change or they won’t. It doesn’t matter either way, because this technique is not about changing your feelings — it’s about accepting them.
Question Everything!
Sarthak Mirchandani
