When did you start pretending?
When was the first time you felt resistance to being your true self?
Me and my friend were sitting on a bench in the park and talking when we saw a cute little child full of excitement walking with his dad while singing songs and just having the time of his life.
He was walking and dancing at the same time while singing, it was so wholesome to watch!
And it made me wonder, at what point do we stop being our true selves and start pretending in the ways of the world?
When does that transition happen?
You may or may not remember the time when you could literally just do anything as a child… run, scream, sing in front of anyone, dance in front of anyone!
You could say anything that comes to your mind, make weird noises, and cry anytime and anywhere!
Basically when you could just truly be yourself unapologetically.
When exactly during our childhoods did that transition happen where you no longer could speak what you wanted to, when you needed to look around before being yourself, when you needed to pretend to be someone else just so that you could be a part of this so-called society?
You’re not supposed to act in that way in front of your relatives…
You should respect your elders because they are always right…
It is not appropriate to say that in front of others…
These so-called rules are taught to us by the people who we grew up around. We obviously bought into them, because we are wired to learn from our caregivers, no matter what they teach us.
Now think, when during your childhood you felt that resistance from within before being truly yourselves. What is the first memory of that?
I remember one time when I was teased in school for being short and for not looking like someone in that class should look like. This had some impact on me. After that whenever some relative or anybody used to ask which class I was studying in, there was a lot of resistance while answering, a lot.
Little did I know that this would keep affecting me for years and years ahead. This was one of the things that was responsible for my low self-worth and confidence.
Of course, it doesn’t bother me now, now that I know where it came from and how it was totally irrational.
But beliefs like these which look innocuous during childhood can have a huge impact on your adult life. Huge…
My point basically is, we are all the result of our beliefs, some rational some irrational. If something bothers you about yourself, something makes you unhappy, just start asking questions to yourself until you get to the root belief.
No matter where it came from, don’t judge it… don’t judge yourself, just be aware.
And yes, think about the first time you felt resistance during childhood, the first time where you had to pretend to be someone you were not, the first time you got conscious of the people around you…
Question Everything,
Sarthak Mirchandani
