You sure you’re not a People Pleaser? (Part-2)
Why do we indulge in people pleasing and what to do about it…
In the Part-1 of this post, we looked at some common characteristics of People Pleasers (PPs), saw where this tendency originates from and saw some real-life examples where we could see how we can negate such tendencies if our core beliefs are strong enough.
People Pleasing can stop you from living the life you want.
Look at your life objectively as if it’s a movie. Does it look like you are the main character making all the decisions and living life to the fullest, or are you the side character in someone else’s movie?
That someone else could be your friends, parents, relatives, romantic partner, or just some fictional God.
It’s your movie, your life!
Take control!
Question Everything!!
Let’s see now what small steps we can take to become Self-Pleasers (pun intended) from People Pleasers because pleasing yourself should always be the priority! (right?)
Starting Small…
I recently became a shift lead at Tacobell, where I work part-time.
Now this meant that I had to ask my other teammates to do stuff.
Now for someone who had been a people pleaser his whole life, who had rarely asked for favours until no other option was left, it was really really difficult to ask someone else to do tasks for me.
Every time there was some work, I used to try to do it by myself instead of asking someone else, and it was making me so stressed!
I had to do something about it.
“Why”, I asked my mind. Why was it so difficult to ask someone to do something for me?
“Because I think you are unworthy and I know no one will listen to you and respect you”, my mind replied.
I had already won the unworthy debate with my mind before, so I had to understand the reasons for the other two claims.
I asked again, “Why do you think that no one will listen to me? How do you know that will be the case? You haven’t even tried asking someone to do stuff for you before…
And Before I was a shift lead and someone used to ask ME to do any task, I used to do it, without feeling any contempt for the other person… so why are you(my mind) making claims without any evidence?”
“Because…..”
My mind couldn’t come up with any rational explanation for this, I had won.
So one day, I was on my shift, and I had to ask someone to fill up the refrigerator. The moment this thought entered my mind, resistance began. I could feel rumbling anxiety in my stomach.
Even though I had won the argument against my mind, I can’t forget the fact that this mind has been controlling me for my whole life and that its first instinct would always be to initiate an anxiety response in such situations as it has been doing for so many years.
Now since I knew all the reasons why I was having this anxiety attack now and what was causing it, I knew what I had to do to train my mind.
I decided on the person to whom I was gonna assign the task, and the moment I was about to ask them to fill the refrigerator, the anxiety got worse.
I TOTALLY ignored the anxiety and immediately asked them to do the task.
And they did, Of course…
This continued, and I am glad to say that though I still feel a little anxious before asking someone to do any task for me during work, the anxiety has DRASTICALLY decreased.
Of course, it will take time to train the mind in new ways, but it is possible.
Start small!
Saying “No”
It’s an art to say No… and it can be learned.
Trust me.
This is again very situational.
Does this happen to you?
You’re tired, and you wanna rest, or maybe do your chores but your friends call you and implore you to accompany them to go out.
Or maybe you want to save but your friends choose an expensive place to go out and you are not able to say anything.
Or you are on a call with an old friend and you want to drop the call and continue with your day but you just cannot… something stops you…and you keep talking.
There are a number of other situations but I think the core issue here is SELF-WORTH.
I can write a book on self-worth but let’s keep that for some other day.
Do you consider yourself worthy? Is your time worthwhile? Is your opinion worthwhile?
Your opinion has ZERO value if you don’t value YOURSELF.
Why would you state your opinion to anyone if you deep down believe that you are not worthy?
Even if you do share your opinion, you will do it cowardly and you will never expect anyone to agree to it.
WHY?
Because you don’t value YOURSELF!
Self-worth can be increased exponentially, I have done that and I can help you too.
Click here to book a free 20 min call with me.
Try being your Authentic self more…
I love listening to songs while I’m out for a walk. It’s one of the best feelings ever.
When an upbeat song with drums is playing, my hands automatically tend to rise and start playing air drums.
The same happens when a piano song is playing. I start playing the air piano. And it feels AMAZING!!
This is something that my authentic self loves to do.
Now, earlier… when used to see someone coming from ahead, I would stop playing air drums or piano and just walk normally.
WHY?
Maybe the other person will think of me as some fool. Maybe they will not like me because I am not behaving like a normal person.
Thoughts like these used to cross my mind all the time.
Now they don’t! I walk however the fuck I want to.
Now when I see someone coming, I don’t stop playing my drums, or my piano.
People stare at me… some even chuckle… and some give me a thumbs up too!
Life just gets so so so so much better when you be your authentic self.
Why should I care what a random person, who I am probably never even gonna meet, thinks about me??
And what will they even think about me? They will probably go home and tell their spouse, “ I saw a freak playing the piano in the air while walking.”
Maybe this was the ice-breaker they needed. I probably saved their marriage.
So, Fuck these thoughts! And Be your Authentic Self!
No one cares…
Question Everything,
Sarthak Mirchandani
If you feel that you need to expedite the process of becoming your Authentic self and working on your self-worth, reach out to me here!
Beliefs inform Actions and Actions have consequences,
Fix your Beliefs, Fix your Reality
Follow to join me on this journey!
