Your Mind: The Greatest Storyteller ever!

“You are not in control of your mind — because you, as a conscious agent, are only part of your mind, living at the mercy of other parts.” ― Sam Harris

The average person has between 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts (double it if you’re like me) a day of those 80% are negative and 95% are the same repetitive thoughts you had the day before.

In another interesting study, it was found that 85% of what we worry about never even happens, and 15% of the things that do end up happening, the majority of the people handle it pretty well or that difficulty teaches them a lesson worth learning.

We saw in this post how and why our mind generates all the negative thoughts in the first place. Let’s now see what can we do about it.

Thoughts are just words!

What are words? They are just a medium to express the meaning of something, be it a feeling, a thing, or our imagination. If you know the meaning of a word, you can understand the context of it, but if you don’t, then you will just keep guessing.

Do you know what axillary hyperhidrosis is? Keep guessing…

It means sweaty armpits. Did you just make a face? Whose armpits did you picture? LOL

Now we use words in various ways: words on paper are called “texts”, words spoken out loud are called “speech”, and words inside our head are called thoughts.

And the mind just loves telling us stories using these words!

All the time, every day telling you stories about who you are, who you should be, what you should be doing with your life, what other people think of you, whether you’ll ever be able to find love, why can’t you just be happy, and a lot of other irrational depressing stuff.

If you have a dark mind like mine, it will also tell you some horrifying stories about kicking a happy child while you’re walking down the street, or maybe rolling someone’s wheelchair down the slope. Lol, yes I get these thoughts but again these are just thoughts, this world will be fine until I act on my thoughts. (evil smile)

Unfortunately, most of the stuff the mind broadcasts is negative, stories such as I am not good enough, I am not worthy, no one really likes me, my life will always be a mess, I would never be successful, I will never be truly happy, and so on.

And this should not come as a surprise as we are already aware now that the mind will mostly play negative stories. That is not the problem though, the problem arises when we start paying attention to these stories and start to take them as absolute truths.

If you do that, then it is a direct invitation to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, and insecurity. (just writing about it makes me anxious!)

Yes, we all do that, we do pay attention to these stories, and we do add some of our own spice to these stories and get even more depressed, but it’s time we become aware of what we can do to live a little better.

What does everyone tell you to do?

Most approaches regard these negative stories as a problem and they try to somehow battle them. They will tell us to:

• rewrite the story and make it more positive
• get rid of the story by repeatedly telling yourself a better one
• distract yourself from the story by using some coping mechanism
• argue with the story and debate whether it’s true

Haven’t you tried all these methods already? There’s a little chance that these might work for you for a very short period of time, but such control strategies never work in the long run.

I honestly tried each one of them and more when I was going through some tough times, but I never succeeded.

Now when we blend in with these stories or accept them as absolute truth, then we are becoming one with the story, and this state is called Cognitive fusion. In this, we react to ht words in our mind as if it is actually happening.

The same phenomenon occurs when you get anxious or scared while reading a crime thriller, or feel emotional when reading a sad book. In a state of cognitive fusion, it feels as if:

• Thoughts are reality — as if what we’re thinking were actually happening.
• Thoughts are the truth — we completely believe them.
• Thoughts are important — we take them seriously and give them our full attention.
• Thoughts are orders — we automatically obey them.
• Thoughts are wise — we assume they know best and we follow their advice.

Thoughts can be threats — some thoughts can be deeply disturbing or frightening.

Now let’s do something about this…

Let’s look at a couple of thought techniques that will help not to get rid of these bad thoughts, but to look at them for what they are, strings of random nonsensical words.

Trust me when I say this, this technique has helped me a lot. Not always, because it depends on the intensity of the thought too, but still, extremely helpful. Let’s go.

I’m having the thought that…

Bring into your mind an upsetting and recurring thought that often makes you uncomfortable, such as ‘I am so incompetent’, ‘I don’t deserve love’, or ‘I am not worthy’. For me, it is always some unique version of ‘I am not worthy and good enough’.

Now hold that thought, and notice what pictures and memories show up in your mind. Just be with it and don’t try to dismiss it. Just notice how it affects you.

You might feel a bit low, a bit anxious maybe, or some weird sensations in your body if you’re sensitive to anxiety.

Now take that thought and, in front of it, insert this phrase: ‘I’m having the thought that…’

Now run that thought again, this time with the phrase attached. Think to yourself, ‘I’m having the thought that I am….’ Notice what happens.

Putting this little phrase in front of your thought instantly creates a distance between you and the actual thought itself. It helps to take a step back and observe. If you didn’t feel any difference, try it with another thought.

You can use this technique with any unpleasant thought!

If your mind says,’ Life sucks’, then simply acknowledge, ‘I’m having the thought that life sucks!’ If your mind says, ‘I’ll never get over this!’ then simply acknowledge, ‘I’m having the thought that I’ll never get over this!’

I have used it a lot of times, and sometimes it just makes me chuckle about the thought I’m having, and in no time it stops bothering me as much.

It might seem silly for a while, but using this process will make you aware of the process of thinking and you will not take your thoughts literally as you used to. You will step back and realize that:

• Thoughts are merely sounds, words, stories, or just some bits of manmade language
• Thoughts may or may not be true, but we don’t automatically have to believe them
• Thoughts may or may not be important; we pay attention only if they’re helpful.
• Thoughts are definitely not orders; we certainly don’t have to obey them.
• Thoughts may or may not be wise; we don’t automatically follow their advice.

Naming your stories!

Identify your mind’s favorite stories and give them names, such as the ‘loser’ story, ‘my life sucks’ story, or ‘I will never find love’ story.

Sometimes there will be variations of the same parent story, for instance, the ‘nobody likes me’ story might show up as ‘I’m boring’, ‘I’m stupid’, or ‘nobody ever stays with me.’

When you see your stories bubbling up, just acknowledge them by name, and welcome them!

‘Ah, here comes the I’m a failure story!’

Oh, all-time favorite! the ‘you’re not good enough’ story…

People often stare at me when they see me smiling or laughing by myself sometimes. I know it does look weird watching a guy working or doing something and suddenly laughing for no apparent reason, LOL.

I do have a lot of bizarre thoughts almost all the time, regarding the people in front of me, or some old negative stories, or maybe a very dark thought about someone. And sometimes these thoughts are so ridiculously unusual that I find myself laughing or smiling at them!

So, acknowledge the story and name it, and just simply return to what it was that you were doing.

If you are walking down the street and such thoughts arise, then just acknowledge, and observe the people around you. Watch the child’s fingers as they grope their father’s hand and press on it tightly while crossing the road.

Watch that couple walking while they fuse their hands together, and at THAT TIME! You might be reminded of someone that you wished will hold hands with you just like that. Embrace that feeling, but if it gets overwhelming, you know what to do now.

It’s nothing but just another story…

If you liked the article, do share it with someone who could use the techniques. I am currently reading the book The Happiness Trap by Dr. Russ Harris and this article was a reflection of what I read there and my own experiences. Feel free to give it a read!

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Sarthak Mirchandani

Question Everything